Getting a handle on it

I feel bad having not posted for awhile, but I'm not sure I am good at this. I feel all over the place. I cut back on my hours at work and stepped down as head cashier. It wasn't that I didn't want the responsibility, I didn't want the pressure that was being put on me by the managers that we have. I also need time to get my life organized and uncluttered at home. I wish I had had the courage to go part time when my mother was still alive, but deep down maybe I used the job as an excuse not to help out my Mom because I didn't like it. I am uncomfortable around illness and even more so when someone you care about is ill or in pain. Now the weather is great and I think, Mommy is missing this...or she would love these flowers. Not an hour goes by that some little thing will remind me of her and then I remember that she is gone. I don't want to get all maudlin. More tomorrow.

I am adjusting...

I will be back blogging...i am just adjusting to some life changes I am making

After difficulty, sweetness

After a particularly trying week at work...and the uneasiness of meeting with our estate lawyer for the first time...this week has seemed especially nice. The weather has been nice...my tooth is finally starting to feel normal and the big thrill...Spencer is home. Chopper and I went up to pick up the Fish on Friday ...a nice ride up and back. Went to see the play at Masterman on Sat. Tomorrow we may do some geocacshing in Asbury Park.

Stress is a mess

Further update on my tooth saga. The cracking tooth was saved, but we need to get to the bottom of why my teeth are cracking. It looks like the stress is causing me to break my virgin teeth. They have no cavities or defects, just the pressure of my clenching at night. It can't just be because of my mother because the tooth was hurting before she started to really go downhill. It has to be work. They expect so much and you have to keep calm or they get mad. All that pent up frustration is being released on my poor teeth. I don't know what to do. I need to work, but I may inherit enough money that I don't have to work. But would that be enough? I would hate to let the others down at work...I do care about the job and Barnes & Noble. I will give it more time and see how things pan out. Retail sucks. I have a lot to think about. I am looking forward to Spencer coming home. I hope he has a good break...Xmas was awful. I am worried about Chopper. She is practically paralyzed with grief. And it is understandable. How hard it must be to go home to that empty house that she lived with Mommy. I know how much I missed Spencer when he was gone to college, but I knew he was out there. I don't know how to help her because I am suffering (albeit not so much) myself.

1. My other cracking tooth has been saved and I am taking steps to keep the others intact

2. I am enjoying my nook

3. I open and close with two of my favorites tomorrow and Thursday

4. I went food shopping yesterday and laid supplies for Spencer's time home

5. Spencer seemed really up the other day with how good the project he was involved in

Toof is better

Had a really rough day at work last Sunday, but I didn't give up and went back in and just worked really hard and things were much better. I will keep on plugging and there were glimpses of why I really liked the job to begin with. I bought a nook. Partly because I wanted one and partly to show them that I do care about my job and that I am sincere about how important B&N is to me. I just seem to have so much to worry about these days even though my biggest concern was my mother and that was the ultimate failure because she died. I am worried about the tooth that is behind the tooth they took out because it, too, is cracking. The dentist will try to save it, but why did it happen? Is it something that I doing that is causing it to crack? I don't know if I can take another pull and bone graft. I am worried about Mr Vallee and what will become of him. I am worried about Chopper and all the stuff that the estate will entail. And our e mail isn't working. Maybe that is why I am grinding my teeth...but I have been stressed out before. I am also worried about Spencer...he seems so melancholy and I so want him to be happy.

1. I got my room all cleaned and the steps all vacuumed

2. I don't have to work tonight

3. Last week was pretty good at work considering how bad last Sunday was

4. The roads aren't to bad right now

5. I will see Spencer next week

The toof, the whole toof and nothing but the toof

My poor tooth...he took it out, but there wasn't enough bone left to put in the implant, so he did a bone graft. Later I thought it was synthetic, but Chopper says sometimes they use bone from cadavers. I don't want o think about it. The pain was horrible when the novocaine wore off and the stupid percoset didn't seem to work...at least not till the second one did the pain killers kick in. Now it just feels sore and weird, but not too bad. Work was ok, but the talking to the customers made everything ache and feel dry. I hope that Laurie lets me keep some water in the office to keep hydrated. I will talk more about this next time...I am tired right now.

1. The pain has subsided

2. I closed with Kat tonight

3. Had a nice breakfast with Chopper this morning

4. I skyped with Spencer today

5. My stomach doesn't bother me anymore

You can't handle the toof

Saw the dentist...bad news...the tooth is split right in half and can't be saved. I have to go to the folks that took out my wisdom tooth and the will pull it out and hopefully put an implant in right away. Then the regular dentist will build a cap and put a crown on top. Very expensive and lots of visits to the dentist. Me, who had no cavities. At least it will stop the pain. It also makes me miss Mommy because this is the type of thing I would've called and talked to her about. She had five implants and she would know what to expect. Plus, when you are hurt or worried, you want your Mommy, even if your 54 years old.

I was stressing all yesterday about the music count today, but the planogram didn't change, so it wasn't too hard. I had about seven projects in my e planner, but I just stayed calm and attacked them one by one and got them done! We had a good lead meeting and I was done at 5, so I got home and cooked dinner for us and maybe I will turn in early. Its donut day, but I didn't have any donuts. I hope I recover fast from the tooth extraction...I don't want to miss work on Friday...I missed too much work as it is. I want to finish the kitchen, but my next day off is toofday. (Thursday) Oh, well.

1. Music count went really well

2. I got all my e projects done

3. Don't have to close tonight

4. My tooth should be gone soon and the pain will go with it

5. Though it snowed, it didn't cause any problems